February 2025
🐰🐰 Distance Gives Us Reaction Time
"Sometimes a person has to go a very long distance out of his way to come back a short distance correctly."― Edward Albee
The only constant is change...
Years ago, when I was training in mixed martial arts, my sensei said something during a sparring session that stuck with me: “Distance gives us reaction time.” At the time, I nodded, trying to keep the concept in mind as I dodged punches and kicks. But as I moved through life, those words began to resonate far beyond the mat. Distance, it turns out, is more than a strategy for sparring; it’s a life skill.
What did you immediately picture when you read that phrase? Maybe it was driving too closely to the car in front of you and the panic of slamming on your brakes when they stopped suddenly. Or perhaps you imagined yourself exploring a National Park and realizing a bison was meandering toward you—a safe distance quickly becoming not-so-safe.
But distance isn’t just physical. Sometimes, distance is measured in time: the seconds we give ourselves to breathe before responding to a heated comment, the moments we take to process a difficult conversation, or the pause we insert before making a significant decision. This kind of distance can be just as crucial in helping us respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Why Distance Matters
In sparring, maintaining distance buys you precious milliseconds to assess your opponent’s moves and adjust accordingly. In life, the same principle applies. When we create space—whether it’s physical, emotional, or temporal—we give ourselves the chance to:
Observe: What is truly happening in the situation? What’s being said, and what’s not being said?
Process: How do I feel about this? What do I want to do or say next?
Respond: What’s the most thoughtful and effective way to act in this moment?
Without distance, we’re more likely to react instinctively, which can lead to missteps, misunderstandings, or even conflict. With distance, we can approach situations with clarity and intention.
Practicing Distance in Everyday Life
Here are some ways to cultivate “distance” in your daily life:
In Conversations: When a discussion becomes heated, take a deep breath and pause before replying. This moment of distance can help you avoid saying something you might regret and instead respond in a way that aligns with your values.
In Relationships: If a loved one’s behavior frustrates you, consider taking a step back to reflect. What might be driving their actions? How can you address the issue without escalating tension?
At Work: When faced with a stressful email or request, resist the urge to reply immediately. Give yourself a moment to think through your response, ensuring it’s clear and constructive.
In Decision-Making: When making big choices, give yourself time to weigh the options. A night of sleep or even a few minutes can provide the clarity needed to make the best decision for yourself.
With Yourself: Sometimes, the person we need distance from is ourselves—or at least our immediate thoughts. Practicing mindfulness or journaling can help you step back from your inner chatter and observe your feelings with compassion and curiosity.
The Balance Between Distance and Connection
Of course, distance isn’t always the answer. Too much space can lead to disconnection or avoidance. The key is balance: enough distance to gain perspective and maintain safety, but not so much that we lose sight of what matters most.
Whether you’re navigating a challenging conversation, making a tough decision, or simply trying to slow down in a fast-paced world, remember: distance gives us reaction time. It’s a gift we can give ourselves—one that allows us to move through life with greater grace, intention, and connection.
“A thing is mighty big when time and distance cannot shrink it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
